From Perfect to Present.

From Perfect to Present: Breaking Free from the Overthinking Trap

I used to think success meant manufacturing a "good" day from start to finish. My mornings had evolved into meticulously planned rituals – meditation, exercise, and green smoothies – all wonderful elements in themselves, but I'd turned them into a rigid scorecard for the day ahead. I'd carefully orchestrate my schedule, trying to optimize every hour. And when things inevitably went sideways – as they always do – I'd feel that familiar wave of disappointment and frustration. Why had I gotten it wrong again? Why was I still feeling like crap even though I was doing all the so-called "good" and "healthy" things?

Don't get me wrong – these morning routines can be genuinely nourishing and grounding. The problem wasn't the practices themselves, but the perfectionist mindset I'd attached to them. The belief that if I checked all the right boxes, I could somehow control the uncontrollable: life itself.

Sound familiar?

Many of us find ourselves caught in this exhausting cycle – overthinking every decision, analyzing every interaction, and constantly striving to "get it right." The self-improvement industry has convinced us that with enough planning and discipline, we can engineer perfect days, perfect relationships, and perfect lives.

But what I've discovered through my own journey – and what I see in the lives of my clients – is that this pursuit of perfection actually prevents us from experiencing the richness of being fully present.

The High Cost of Overthinking

When we're constantly in our heads, trying to perfect our experience, we miss what's actually happening. Overthinking creates a barrier between us and our lives, leading to:

• Emotional exhaustion from constantly monitoring and judging ourselves

• Decision paralysis when we get caught in loops of "what if" thinking

• Disconnection from our bodies and our intuition

• Anxiety from trying to control what cannot be controlled

• Missed opportunities for genuine connection and joy

Moving from Perfect to Present

If this resonates with you, here are some practical tools to help you step out of overthinking and into presence:

1. Use the Think-Feel-Choose Exercise

When you notice yourself spinning into overthinking, apply Dr. Caroline Leaf's Think-Feel-Choose technique. Say "listen and feel" as you breathe in, becoming aware of your thoughts and sensations. Then, on a long exhale for seven counts, say "chooooseeee" – extending the word as you breathe out. This simple practice creates a tiny space between stimulus and response – enough room to choose presence over perfection.

2. Get Curious Instead of Critical

When something doesn't go as planned, try asking: "What have I learnt from this experience?" rather than "What's wrong with me?" Curiosity opens us up; criticism shuts us down.

3. Set a Thinking Timer

Overthinking often disguises itself as problem-solving. If you have a genuine issue to work through, set a timer for 10 minutes of focused thought. When the timer ends, make a decision and move on.

4. Practice Imperfect Action

Start breaking the perfection habit by deliberately doing something imperfectly each day. Send that email without reading it five times. Share an unfiltered thought. Post the photo without editing it. The world won't end – I promise.

5. Reconnect with Your Body

Overthinking happens in the head; presence happens in the body. Several times a day, pause to ask: "What sensations am I feeling right now?" and "Am I present right now?" This simple practice anchors you in the present moment.

6. Create a "Done List" Instead of a "To-Do List"

At the end of each day, write down what you actually did, rather than focusing on what you didn't accomplish. This shifts your attention from what's lacking to what's actual.

7. Use the "Is This Useful?" Filter

When caught in an overthinking loop, ask yourself: "Is this line of thinking serving me right now?" If not, gently redirect your attention to what's in front of you.

A Different Measure of Success

What makes a day "good" isn't how perfectly it goes according to plan. It's about:

• The attitude you bring to unexpected challenges

• How fully you show up for the people in your life

• Moments of genuine connection (with yourself and others)

• Small acts of kindness you extend (including to yourself)

• How you meet each moment as it unfolds

The invitation isn't to abandon supportive practices or thoughtful planning altogether. Morning routines, evening reflections, movement practices – these can all be beautiful anchors in our lives when approached with gentleness rather than rigid expectations. It's about removing expectations, trusting ourselves more deeply, and remembering that life happens in real time, not in our heads.

Try swapping "perfect" for "present" this week, and notice how much lighter your days feel when you stop trying to get them right and start actually living them.

I'd love to hear how this goes for you. What happens when you step out of overthinking and into presence? What becomes possible then?

If you find yourself constantly stuck in patterns of overthinking and perfectionism that are affecting your wellbeing, I'm here to help. Send me a message we can explore If I am a good fit!

Alice Synnott